


Not Broken After All

by CheyRain



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Apothisexual, Asexual, Coming Out, Gen, Internal acephobia, Rehymenated, inner turmoil, some mentions of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 09:28:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7165562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheyRain/pseuds/CheyRain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Well then what do you want?" Dean asked, frustrated.</p><p>"To eat my burger and kill some ghosts Dean. That's what I want."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Broken After All

"Really, Sammy, I think she's into you. You can definitely get a little....something something going on," Dean laughed as Sam shifted, stomach rolling.

"Dean, no. Just no."

"Aw, come on Sammy! How long's it been since you got laid, huh? Be careful, you'll re-hymenate yourself."

"Dean, that's not a thing, and also no." Just then the waitress came up to the table, a flirtatious smile on her lips as she leaned towards Sam, focusing more on him as she set their food down. "Let me know if you need anything else." She said with a wink. Sam just gave her a weak smile in return.

"See, Sammy? Go get you some!"

"No, and stop calling me Sammy."

"Aw, come on Sam. Why not? Are you, uh, having problems?" Dean teased. Sam snapped at that.

"You know what, Dean? I am having problems. I don't want the waitress. I'm not attracted to her."

"Well, do you, uh, want a waiter instead?" Dean offered after a second of silence. "'Cause, you know Sammy, I will always love you even if you're gay."

"Yeah, Dean, I know that. I don't want a waiter either." Sam replied tiredly.

"Well then what do you want?" Dean asked, frustrated.

"To eat my burger and kill some ghosts Dean. That's what I want."

"Ok, Sam. We'll do that then." Dean said.

*******

Sam laid in bed that night, listening to Dean snore as his thoughts spun wildly.  _Asexual_. He turned the word over and over in his head.

 _But I don't want to be asexual._ _I want to **want** sex. _ Sam thought to himself, somewhat rejecting the word even as he knew it was his to keep. He pondered the term for a minute.  _Maybe...Maybe that means I'm not broken after all._ He admitted quietly to himself; his mind piecing together different moments in his life when he pretended to be 'normal' without really realizing why.  _Well that makes a bit more sense now._ He drifted off to sleep, comforted by that for the moment.

********

The next day they were back in that diner, a different waitress this time, one who flirted more with Dean. As Sam watched Dean flirt in return he felt a growing sense of horror and dread about telling Dean.

 _What if he thinks less of me?_ Sex means so much to Dean and is one of the ways he portrays his masculinity.  _What if he thinks I'm less of a man because of this?_

A quiet voice at the back of his mind worried,  _Am I less of a man because of this?_ He dismissed the thought immediately but he still felt concerned.

Slowly he realized Dean was talking to him and the waitress was gone.

"-So Kimmie might have a hot friend if you're interested," Dean was saying.  _Oh great, this again._ "I'm just saying, it can't be healthy to, you know, restrict yourself like this."

"Restrict myself?"

"Well yeah, I mean the whole abstinence thing you're doing." He waved his hand at Sam as if to indicate some sign saying 'Virgin and loving it' or something.

"I thought we talked about this yesterday." Sam really didn't want to do this now.

"Well, we did, but, you know, a new day a new lay." Sam just blinked at him for a minute before sighing.

"So get this, Dean. I don't like sex." He tensed just a bit waiting for Dean's reaction.

"What do you mean you don't like sex?" Dean added like that was the stupidest thing he ever heard. He seemed to think for a second, "Have you, uh, been doing it right?"

"Yeah, I know how to do it. I just don't like it. I think I might be apothisexual."

"What the fuck is apocasexual?"

"Apothisexual. It means sex-repulsed asexual. Um, I know I'm at least asexual but I think I might be sex-repulsed. Um, but only personally. I don't care about others having sex."

"Okay. Have you always felt like this?" Dean asked slowly.

"Yeah but lately I've been more aware of it. It's been bothering me more. I've always been uncomfortable but able to deal with it but lately I just can't stand it."

"Okay, so can you sti-still, um, date?"

"Well yeah, I'm not aromantic. I can still date people. I just don't think our lifestyle really allows for much more than quick hookups and since I don't like sex-"

"Yeah, yeah I get it. I get it. Could it be because of the demon blood?" Well, of course he would think that.

"Some of it could be I suppose but I don't think so. Plenty of people are apothisexual who haven't met supernatural things. I mean the demon blood could have changed a bit of my brain chemistry to make me like this but I think it's really just a me thing."

"Well, okay then. I guess more for me then." Dean shrugged as if it were no big deal. Sam smiled a bit at that.

"Yeah I guess so."


End file.
